Rich in Time With Your Elders

Welcome to The Quiet Rich, your weekly guide to a quiet mind and rich life. Today, you’ll get the 7 most interesting questions to ask your loved ones the next time you see them. (Happy Mother’s Day to everyone who celebrated this weekend.)

CONTEXT

I started a secret habit that I wish I'd done years ago.

Every time I visit my grandmother, I hit record on my phone. Not the whole visit—just the moments when she starts telling a story. I love the way she describes meeting my grandfather. Or the polka dot dress she once wore in Sanremo that had Italian men chasing her in her twenties. Or the way she laughs at her own jokes before the punchline.

I do the same with my mom now. Sometimes she catches me and rolls her eyes. But days later, after I’ve flown back to Miami and I’m missing them both, I watch those little moments suspended in time.

So many moments pass by without us realizing how important they were to pay attention to. I want to cherish all of their stories, and how their laugh sounds, and the way they pronounce certain words. Because one day (many, many, many years in the future), those recordings will be the closest thing I have to one more conversation.

When I started doing this, I also realized something. It’s easy for conversations with our parents or grandparents to stay on the surface. "How was your day?" "Did you eat?" "Drive safe." We default to logistics. We assume there's always the next visit.

So I started asking better questions. To me, every conversation is a chance to glimpse the past versions of my mom and grandmother I never got to meet.

METHOD

Here are 7 questions to ask your loved ones the next time you see them. Record it if you can. You’ll be so glad you did.

1. What were you like at my age? Not the highlight reel. The real version—your dreams, your fears, the version of you I never got to meet.

2. Is there a different version of your life you almost lived? A different city, a different person, a different path? What pulled you here?

3. What's a memory of me as a child that you've never told me about? Watch her face light up. She's about to tell you a story she hasn't thought about in years.

4. What's the best advice your mom gave you? There's a piece of wisdom she's been waiting to pass on. It’s the most valuable kind of heirloom. You just need to ask.

5. When did you first feel like an adult? Did you feel ready when you had kids? (The answer might surprise you.)

6. What's the toughest thing you've been through that I don't know about? With this one, you'll see a different side of her. The resilient, brave, strong side that existed long before you did.

7. If you could go back 30 years and tell yourself one thing, what would it be? Write the answer to this one down. Re-read it every few years. Its meaning will continue to evolve with you.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

You don't need a fancy setup—just the camera on your phone. Prop it up in the corner of the room. And start to notice all their specific words, their hand gestures, the things only they would say.

Last week, I wrote about memory dividends. They’re the extra joy we experience every time we think of a fond memory. And the experiences we cherish most aren't always the big vacations or milestone celebrations. Sometimes they're a Sunday afternoon conversation with a loved one, when she told you something you didn't know about her.

One day, you'd give anything for one more conversation. Don't wait. Call your mom. Call your grandmother. Tell her you love her. Life is too short to let any words go unsaid.

All my love,

Jade

P.S. My mom and grandmother have been my biggest supporters during some pretty dramatic life changes over the past 3 years. I left my full-time career at Google to start a coaching business, and then landed the book deal of my dreams. It’s entirely thanks to growing my personal brand. And I want to teach you exactly how I did it.

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